Stillflight

Along with being a wanderer, I have always been drawn to the "generalist" trope/archetype. Adaptable; opportunist; go-with-the-flow; whatever the right word for it is. I've thought it may be simply an offshoot of the wanderer archetype, or possibly caused by my theriotypes (raven, opossum, raccoon; I even thought raccoon and opossum were archetypal theriotypes at one point because I was so drawn to the archetype of the generalist). But I've been like this for most of my life. In any given category, I kind of draw from everything. Listening to every music genre, for example, or every tense when I write. I eat all kinds of food. I am content to live in almost any environment, I'll find positives to anywhere. My headmates' Pinterest boards are all quite cohesive; mine is a mess of wildly different interests and aesthetics. I'm adaptable; I am autistic of course, so some certain changes are tough for me, but for the most part, it is so easy for me to fall in step with a radical alteration to my life, or even just a slight one to my everyday.

Jury is still out on whether this is a full archetropal identity, or just something I relate to. With the wanderer 'type, it was immediately and strongly obvious. So I'll have to apply my thinking brain to that question. But thinking about this has made me realize something else, an in on a question I thought was unrelated.

Could this be why I am able to feel like I am so many wildly varying species? Why my brain is capable of experiencing identity as all these animals that couldn't be more different? Isopod and osprey, mosasaur and opossum... Some people say it's too difficult for your brain to handle having more than around five theriotypes so it's very rare or even impossible, but then, most people also have a certain defined set of music genres they listen to and don't stray too far from that vibe. Most people prefer some fiction genres over all others.

It's causing me a bit of a crisis, because I have long "thought" that while I admittedly and regrettably had more theriotypes than most, I was just five animals. Just five, and that was ok, I could be five right? It's not too out there, it's not too far away from the more common 2-4, it's still totally legitimate in the eyes of other alterhumans who I desperately want to see me as respectable. I'm totally not a faker KFF. I even invented a whole new label so I could get away with talking about being these animals without admitting the damning statement, "I have ten theriotypes."

I don't know. I have to think on it. Maybe confront my real reasons for continuing to renunciate that "these aren't theriotypes, I am these but I'm not at the same time, it's eternal questioning, I'll just never know if I am these." Maybe continue with what I've been doing, refusing to distinctly list my theriotypes in public alterhuman spaces. Which has been so freeing and come so easily; I talk about my species when it's relevant, I have no need for a public dossier on my species identity which anyone can peruse on a nosy whim. And I have indeed realized that even just that has made me talk about being a hawk and a mosasaur and a vulture so much more. I actually find it more natural to talk about being these species when none of my species identities are tied down by the label "theriotype." I talk about them with the exact same openness with which I talk about being a raven, osprey, isopod, musteloid or opossum. I'm sure that is a big glaring obvious bright red sign...

I need to be able to abide by and glory in ambiguity. I am, after all, the monster named Cento.