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I've been thinking about my bird identity.
There are so many species of birds that I have shifts as, that feel familiar, that look like me, that I feel like. But crucially, not excessively many. Not every bird. It's not cladotherianthropy. My musteloid identity is cladotherianthropy; that, I'm a shifting form of mustelid red panda raccoon vibes. This is a specific, set handful of species. Two of them are theriotypes, but there are at least four (at most six) others that I can't consider that integral to my being.
I have a hard time saying they're theriotypes. It is possible that it's actually because I feel self-conscious and like a faker for having "too many" theriotypes and I am afraid of confirming anything because it will make me look less legitimate. But I still struggle with the label even after removing mentions of my exact theriotypes from Tumblr and discontinuing from posting any questioning updates. There are other reasons. Snowy owl, for one, I have shifts and self-image but it's something about the label of "owl" that drives me away. I feel like a snowy owl, but I do not feel like an owl. Harris's hawk, I confirmed it, but after a while, something started to feel wrong. I wasn't a hawk in the same way I was a raven; it was missing that deep, primal connection, the state of being a hawk in, if you'll pardon the meme, all ways except physical. I am a raven down to the most basal metaphysical level. But the Harris's hawk title was superficial. It was a mask I put on that was the shape of my mind, but a mask I could take off and put away. My mind remains that hawk shape, but the mask is on the table and I feel right with just my face. Almost the exact same story applies to red-tailed hawk.
And so on.
People have suggested polymorph to me. To just be a bird polymorph. But a polymorph is someone who doesn't have a base form at all and doesn't have any sort of species identity. Polymorphs often describe themselves as fluid balls of energy that can take any shape. I have true, basal species identites that define who I am. And I'm not just talking about my theriotypes. Shapeshifter is more accurate. I could live with the label of shapeshifter. But it's a bit broad.
At Othercon, I called myself a "Birdthing" in my intro as a joke... but that kind of actually describes it better than anything else I've tried. It surprised me how much I sunk into it. And how quickly. And how much I loved it to call myself.
So, if anyone sees me writing about experiences being all these birds, but they can't find anywhere where I say these are my kintypes, and they aren't sure what the hell I think I'm doing, and they want to ask, I have a thing I can tell them. I'm not a bird therian. I'm not a bird otherkin. I'm not a bird polymorph. I'm not a bird shapeshifter. I'm a Birdthing. And that's that.
There are so many species of birds that I have shifts as, that feel familiar, that look like me, that I feel like. But crucially, not excessively many. Not every bird. It's not cladotherianthropy. My musteloid identity is cladotherianthropy; that, I'm a shifting form of mustelid red panda raccoon vibes. This is a specific, set handful of species. Two of them are theriotypes, but there are at least four (at most six) others that I can't consider that integral to my being.
I have a hard time saying they're theriotypes. It is possible that it's actually because I feel self-conscious and like a faker for having "too many" theriotypes and I am afraid of confirming anything because it will make me look less legitimate. But I still struggle with the label even after removing mentions of my exact theriotypes from Tumblr and discontinuing from posting any questioning updates. There are other reasons. Snowy owl, for one, I have shifts and self-image but it's something about the label of "owl" that drives me away. I feel like a snowy owl, but I do not feel like an owl. Harris's hawk, I confirmed it, but after a while, something started to feel wrong. I wasn't a hawk in the same way I was a raven; it was missing that deep, primal connection, the state of being a hawk in, if you'll pardon the meme, all ways except physical. I am a raven down to the most basal metaphysical level. But the Harris's hawk title was superficial. It was a mask I put on that was the shape of my mind, but a mask I could take off and put away. My mind remains that hawk shape, but the mask is on the table and I feel right with just my face. Almost the exact same story applies to red-tailed hawk.
And so on.
People have suggested polymorph to me. To just be a bird polymorph. But a polymorph is someone who doesn't have a base form at all and doesn't have any sort of species identity. Polymorphs often describe themselves as fluid balls of energy that can take any shape. I have true, basal species identites that define who I am. And I'm not just talking about my theriotypes. Shapeshifter is more accurate. I could live with the label of shapeshifter. But it's a bit broad.
At Othercon, I called myself a "Birdthing" in my intro as a joke... but that kind of actually describes it better than anything else I've tried. It surprised me how much I sunk into it. And how quickly. And how much I loved it to call myself.
So, if anyone sees me writing about experiences being all these birds, but they can't find anywhere where I say these are my kintypes, and they aren't sure what the hell I think I'm doing, and they want to ask, I have a thing I can tell them. I'm not a bird therian. I'm not a bird otherkin. I'm not a bird polymorph. I'm not a bird shapeshifter. I'm a Birdthing. And that's that.
